appointment #2... or is it 3?

Last week was my 2nd doctor appointment.  I was hoping for good news.  I was hoping to hear "Hey!  Good news!  Your labs came back normal & I was wrong!".  Instead I heard "Your labs were a little better than before, but still not good.  We are going ahead as planned."  It was a very short appointment, so short that I was 45 minutes early for my kidney ultrasound that I purposely scheduled for when I thought my appointment would end.  So, I tried to have my ultrasound done early, but no such luck.  Instead I had to wait for some chick to walk in 1 minute before her appointment and tell everyone that she woke up late.  As if we couldn't tell by the copious amount of perfume she was wearing to cover up the fact that she didn't shower.  Here's a tip, if you don't have time to shower at least wear deodorant and clean clothes, and for crying out loud brush your hair!!!!  A gallon of $3 CVS perfume is not needed!!!   Anyways... so my ultrasound went very smoothly.  She said that the doctor would have the results by the end of the day.  That was Thursday.  I was hoping to hear from him at least by Monday.  I haven't heard anything yet.  No news is good news, right?
I have had mostly good days, but it's always in the back of my mind.  ""what does that pain mean?  Is my headache a sign of something? Can I take this pill or that pill anymore?" 
Sometimes I feel like I am going overboard and telling too many people.  Sometimes I think that maybe this one more person needs to know why I quit my job. (oh, yeah, that's a whole other discussion)
I feel like I have to justify everything I do now...
Oh yeah, and on top of everything else, we find out tomorrow if Mike leaves Friday for Saudi for 6 months.  gotta love short notice huh?

Days

As the days drift together I no longer know if it is Tuesday or Saturday
I no longer know if it is 5 am or 12 noon
I don't know when the last time I showered or ate was

I hear that this is "normal"
It's not "normal" for me

As the days drift together I no longer remember
I don't remember why I am here
Why you are there
I don't remember

I want to throw something at the wall
All I am holding is a life so precious and small
she screams, she cries, makes me want to die
I hold her close, then put her down
I don't remember why.

As the days drift by
So do all the people
I watch out my window
Then go lie down again, alone

As the days drift together I no longer remember
why I thought I'd be okay
On my own again

Pink pills, oh you happy pink pills
when was the last time I took you?
yesterday, last week, an hour ago?
when can I take another one?
When will the "give a fuck" kick in?

As the days drift together I no longer remember if its Tuesday or Saturday
I no longer care.