Monday, July 12, 2010

todays words

I'm not a super religious person. I don't go to church every Sunday. I am not baptised into the church that my family does go to when we get up early enough. I have struggled to find a religion that encompasses all my beliefs. It's just not out there.

A quick snapshot of what I DO believe / believe in:

  • Nature - it can sooth & nourish one's soul

  • a higher power - I CHOOSE to call that higher power God

  • the bible - I believe it is a beautiful piece of literature that is up for individual interpretation

There are several things about religious history (theology?) that I don't understand, and it hasn't really bothered me. I also don't really care that I can't quote passages in the bible like a thousand other people can.

All of this leads me to something that was on my mind yesterday. It was something I was going to blog about yesterday. I had the urge to open the bible that sits on the bookshelf behind me & choose a passage to interpret for myself & blog about it. I resisted that urge, and eventually with all the drama of a messy house, f'd up Skype, and the screaming baby, I forgot about it. Today is another story. When MJ finally fell asleep, those urges & thoughts came right back. So here I sit with a very old bible sitting in my lap (propping the laptop up nicely). So here goes... you can stop reading now if you don't care to read my interpretation of...

JOB 10:1-13

(1st I have to tell you that when I randomly opened up to this page - this is what I found)

These are tickets to a Harlem Wizards vs Fairbanks Allstars game in 1999. My mom and I took SAW. This was 3 days before Bug was born. Coincidence??

Anyways, back to JOB. (another strange side note - I copied this - cause I didn't want to type it all - from a page about agnosticism/atheism. Weird huh?

10:1 My soul is weary of my life; I will leave my complaint upon myself; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.

10:2 I will say unto God, Do not condemn me; shew me wherefore thou contendest with me.

10:3 Is it good unto thee that thou shouldest oppress, that thou shouldest despise the work of thine hands, and shine upon the counsel of the wicked?

10:4 Hast thou eyes of flesh? or seest thou as man seeth?

10:5 Are thy days as the days of man? are thy years as man's days,

10:6 That thou enquirest after mine iniquity, and searchest after my sin?

10:7 Thou knowest that I am not wicked; and there is none that can deliver out of thine hand.

10:8 Thine hands have made me and fashioned me together round about; yet thou dost destroy me.

10:9 Remember, I beseech thee, that thou hast made me as the clay; and wilt thou bring me into dust again? 10:10 Hast thou not poured me out as milk, and curdled me like cheese? 10:11 Thou hast clothed me with skin and flesh, and hast fenced me with bones and sinews.

10:12 Thou hast granted me life and favour, and thy visitation hath preserved my spirit.

10:13 And these things hast thou hid in thine heart: I know that this is with thee.

uhhhh, ok. I have no clue. obviously I've come into the middle of a story that I have never read, but I'll take a shot. He says he's tired of his life & all the hard things he has gone through, but he knows that God made him and loves him, so it's ok & he will make it through. I don't really get the curdled cheese thing, but oh well.

This passage was great for me today because it's been a rough couple of days with MJ & I find myself physically and emotionally exhausted, wondering why God would let this be so freaking hard. But I know that God granted me the ability to have this beautiful baby & if I keep him in my heart I will get through it.


Galit and Jason said...

this was a really fascinating, HONEST post and i truly appreciate that.

i love the connections that you're making and the tickets that you found within a randomly opened page-- love that even more!

i'm glad that you found a peaceful moment to read and reflect, if nothing else-- *that's* good stuff! :)

i found you through mommybloggers and am very glad that i did!