I'm not a super religious person. I don't go to church every Sunday. I am not baptised into the church that my family does go to when we get up early enough. I have struggled to find a religion that encompasses all my beliefs. It's just not out there.
A quick snapshot of what I DO believe / believe in:
- Nature - it can sooth & nourish one's soul
- a higher power - I CHOOSE to call that higher power God
- the bible - I believe it is a beautiful piece of literature that is up for individual interpretation
There are several things about religious history (theology?) that I don't understand, and it hasn't really bothered me. I also don't really care that I can't quote passages in the bible like a thousand other people can.
All of this leads me to something that was on my mind yesterday. It was something I was going to blog about yesterday. I had the urge to open the bible that sits on the bookshelf behind me & choose a passage to interpret for myself & blog about it. I resisted that urge, and eventually with all the drama of a messy house, f'd up Skype, and the screaming baby, I forgot about it. Today is another story. When MJ finally fell asleep, those urges & thoughts came right back. So here I sit with a very old bible sitting in my lap (propping the laptop up nicely). So here goes... you can stop reading now if you don't care to read my interpretation of...
(1st I have to tell you that when I randomly opened up to this page - this is what I found)
These are tickets to a Harlem Wizards vs Fairbanks Allstars game in 1999. My mom and I took SAW. This was 3 days before Bug was born. Coincidence??
Anyways, back to JOB. (another strange side note - I copied this - cause I didn't want to type it all - from a page about agnosticism/atheism. Weird huh?
10:1 My soul is weary of my life; I will leave my complaint upon myself; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.
10:2 I will say unto God, Do not condemn me; shew me wherefore thou contendest with me.
10:3 Is it good unto thee that thou shouldest oppress, that thou shouldest despise the work of thine hands, and shine upon the counsel of the wicked?
10:4 Hast thou eyes of flesh? or seest thou as man seeth?
10:5 Are thy days as the days of man? are thy years as man's days,
10:6 That thou enquirest after mine iniquity, and searchest after my sin?
10:7 Thou knowest that I am not wicked; and there is none that can deliver out of thine hand.
10:8 Thine hands have made me and fashioned me together round about; yet thou dost destroy me.
10:9 Remember, I beseech thee, that thou hast made me as the clay; and wilt thou bring me into dust again? 10:10 Hast thou not poured me out as milk, and curdled me like cheese? 10:11 Thou hast clothed me with skin and flesh, and hast fenced me with bones and sinews.
10:12 Thou hast granted me life and favour, and thy visitation hath preserved my spirit.
10:13 And these things hast thou hid in thine heart: I know that this is with thee.
uhhhh, ok. I have no clue. obviously I've come into the middle of a story that I have never read, but I'll take a shot. He says he's tired of his life & all the hard things he has gone through, but he knows that God made him and loves him, so it's ok & he will make it through. I don't really get the curdled cheese thing, but oh well.
This passage was great for me today because it's been a rough couple of days with MJ & I find myself physically and emotionally exhausted, wondering why God would let this be so freaking hard. But I know that God granted me the ability to have this beautiful baby & if I keep him in my heart I will get through it.