Monday, September 27, 2010

What I Need

I have mentioned before how befoe Mike got deployed everyone kept telling me I'd be fine & I can do it.  Yes, I know I'll be fine & I have done it before, so of course, I can do it again.  It really bothered me - who were they trying to convince - me or themselves??
So about 95 days left and I have learned that Yes, I Can do it!  But I never thought it would be so damn hard.  Really.  I didn't.  I knew it wouldn't be a breeze, but I also didn't think it would be like trying to frantically crawl out of quicksand & barely keeping my head above it while everyone around me stopped to say "If you need anything call me!" and then walk off.   really people, if you can't tell by looking at me, or chatting withme for one second that i need your help, then just keep on walking.  toss me your "Good Luck"'s & keep on walking, cause that'll do me as much good as telling me to call you.  On the off chance that I actually know where my phone is & it's not dead & have your phone number - You wouldn't be able to hear me over the screaming baby/teenager/preteen.
I went to my husbands church Sunday & it was great to see everyone & chat. Most everyone ( that knows us) knows he is deployed, and yet only 2 people said that awesome line "call me if you need anything".  Only one of those people said "what can I do for you?" and her husband is deployed as well.  Ok, not that i was expecting everyone to come rushing over to me offerring meals and babysitting, but one of the reasons i enjoy going to his church is because everyone is always so friendly & helpful.  Sunday I just wasn't feeling it.
So, even though  there were  a million things going thru my head that I need help with, I couldn't bring myself to ask her to help with anything.  Her husband is gone also - what does SHE need???  She has 2 young children as well, she is just as busy as I am.  Why was she the only one???
((((Yes, I know I sound pitiful))))
So, anyways....
I need

  • a night out with ach of my older two so they know that they are just as important to me as the baby
  • a nap, or really just an hour to myself, without the baby in the house to read, talk to the other kids, bathe the dog, sleep, whatever
  • to not have to tleave the house for at least one full day - offer to pick SAW up from school, take him to the mall, take Bug somehwere,
  • grab me a gallon of milk while you are at the store so I don't have to load up the baby & go in for one thingand come out $100 poorer
  • Just rented/bought a great movie?? Maybe we'd like to see it too.
  • Let me vent without tellig me how much worse your life is
  • Stop telling me that my older kids should be doing ________.  I didn'thave kids so that they would do everything for me, the baby is NOT their responsibility.
The biggest thing that I need - stop making me feel guilty for needing help!  Could you do it by yourself if you had to???