Thursday, May 03, 2012

If wishes were butterflies I wouldn't need them to come true

If wishes were butterflies and the characters in my books were real I wouldn't be lonely.
I'd skip arm in arm with Dorothy and the cowardly lion knowing that I was not the most F'd up one there.
I'd ride the little engine that could up the mountain cheering him on, not worrying if my weight was keeping him from moving forward.
I'd tell Scarlett that it's okay that Rhett doesn't give a damn, she doesn't need him.

But, that's not the case.  I'm here with my wishes and dreams and shelves and boxes full of books...Lonely.  In the last 4 years everything has blown up in my face over and over again.  I keep trying and trying to put everything back together with glue and glitter and fancy duct tape, but it just doesn't hold.  This desert is like a field of land mines, no matter what direction I go in I lead my family right into another one.  

I wish that I could fix it.  I wish I could take the pain and fear away.  I know of only one way to do it though, and I just don't have the means.
I feel so selfish that I am thinking about everything I will lose.  I have to stop and think about what possibilities it opens up for everyone else.

I wish that I was not the most F'd up person I know!

1 comments: said...

Oh share- you are most certainly one of the most wonderful people I know.
There is no Best choice - only choices and forest paths with ver low hanging branches keeping the light out so you can't see what is waiting at the end.